I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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