finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
