Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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