I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
