Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
