I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
