a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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