So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
