I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
