And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
