I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
is it fun? or sober?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
