Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
