That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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