i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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