we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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