and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
