Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
