Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Dear god my vagina.
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