hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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