Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
