Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i permit you to call me
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
God, I missed his penis.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
