You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
