My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
