there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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