Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
