Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
