i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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