I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize