just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
