Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
