Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
