The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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