It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
