Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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