I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
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