ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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