Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
