I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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