We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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