He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
