i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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