i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
