Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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