How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Holy sore nipples Batman
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize