Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
