He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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