i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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