Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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