You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
