You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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