Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
