My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Your penis caused this!
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