marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
