oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
How does one acquire holy water?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
