Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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