Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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