Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
