OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
