he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
my poor anus
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
