You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize