i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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