What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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