My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
