No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm like, not good at living.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
