Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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