I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
