Sry I called you an 8
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
