we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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