Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
