How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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