It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
