hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
