Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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