It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
